Monday, June 11, 2012

My Heart Monday ~ DDS

I have been holding on to the paperwork for the Department of Developmental Services for a while now. I keep looking at the web site and thinking about it. I just couldn't make myself do it. It feels like just filling out the papers means it isn't going away.

I know it isn't going away. I know he will always be Sammy and part of him is autism. I know that now, in fact I have known that for a while. This just makes it so in your face real. I put it off because I didn't want him to feel labeled all his life in case the doctors were wrong.

Even though I know they aren't wrong I am still having such a hard time with it.

The bottom line is he needs services, most of which we cannot afford. It's 45$ for each apt for co pay. 10 appointments a month and I can't feed the rest of the kids. We need respite care. I can't keep this up. I will not survive this summer if I don't get help. He has 3 weeks off before summer session. I may just have a nervous breakdown.

So the paperwork is done. It's sitting on my table beside my morning coffee. It took only a few minutes to fill out. Every time I look at it I am overwhelmed by abject fear and grief.

One step forward... stop...
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Michelle · 668 weeks ago

Just send it!!!!!!!! Let it go. Get the help you need and Sammy needs to keep moving forward! It is not a negative thing getting services....it is inflating a small balloon under Sammy and every bit of air you can add through extra services, and knowledge and prayer will help to fill that balloon and lift Sammy up higher and higher. He will soar!

Not sending it is wasting emotional energy YOU DON'T HAVE! Send it! Let it go! Start asking for help EVERYWHERE! If you aren't making it, God will change it/...but you have to do your part and you have to ask!

I undrestand where you are at...I know it SUCKS! You HAVE to get out of your own way!!! You have to look up and find the ray of hope....you can't see a rainbow with your head stuck in the ground!

You know I love you!
And you know I've been where you are at! And we all fall in that pit sometimes...and next time I do you can drag my ass out of it too:)
1 reply · active 667 weeks ago
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ylmbreadless 57p · 667 weeks ago

you can't see a rainbow with your head stuck in the ground! ~~yes!
i have to remind myself that while other kids may need it more my boy needs it too

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