Thursday, July 26, 2018
That is my life right now.
I am in the storm, not the eye , since that would be calm, but the thick of it. Swirling winds, pounding rain, and debilitating pressure.
I am drowning.
There doesn't seem to be an actual end in sight. There isn't anything I can do and I am just so tired of fighting.
You know , no one wants to talk about this stuff. Depression scares people. They don't want to deal with it, they tell you to pray, they offer platitudes that do absolutely nothing. If a hallmark card fixed it , don't you think I would have done that already?
Depression and talking about mental health makes people uncomfortable.
It's time we stop treating mental illness as though its a big scary monster under the bed. It isn't
It's a big scary monster sitting beside people in your life right now
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
It consumes me more often than not
It could be because I am not doing what God wants me to. It could be because I am and somehow I should be learning from this. It could simply be that my brain is broken beyond repair. It could be this time , this feeling doesn't go away.
I just can't breathe and honestly I am just so tired. I am tired of trying to smile when I feel nothing. I don't even really feel sad anymore. Just broken and restless.
I feel like a failure. It's as if I just can't put the puzzle together even with the pieces numbered and placed in front of me.
I just want to be anywhere but here. I want to be far away from whatever this is supposed to be.
Most of all, I want to feel something.