Thursday, February 24, 2011

explaining to sammy

sammy wants to know how protected the baby is inside my belly

its a p

It's a p - peanut with a P and a nut! i love that kid. Sammy in the background of his nutcase younger brother. Sammy taught Nate to "rack" peanuts with his head. thank god we don't buy almonds

sammy and his hand signals. maybe he will someday work as air traffic control

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

sweetest moments

awesome moment with Sammy tonight. He made us all smile and it was awesome. Dan was kneeling beside me and Sammy jumped on him. Dan fell over. Sammy looked over , processed for a second and went "ohhh!" in the sweetest little voice. then looked at Dan and asked. "was it fun?!" after Daniel explained that no it was not fun Sammy asked if he was OK. very sweet.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

IEP+I expect puke

Sammy's IEP is coming up. he's going through all the testing at the school. So far we know he is doing OK in speech and that his syntax and grammar has improved drastically (please God don't let him test out of speech)  However according to his IEP update with report card they "believe" his lack of progress is due more to internal regulation and internal issues then an inability to perform the work. he CAN spell. he CAN add. he CAN keep up. but he often needs assistance with his daily work. homework is a crap show here as often results in tears . He has such a hard time reading. He cant sit still. He has psychological issues in addition to the autism issues. I feel like we cant win for loosing. then I wonder what his IEP meeting will be like.

In acushnet we were assured he was fine, it was my issue, in my head. they didn't see any of the stuff we did here. I felt lost. Now I know they see a lot of the issues we do, not as violent but the rest of them. So i feel better knowing it's not just me...but sad...because it's not just me

Thursday, February 17, 2011


Everyone here is finally health. PRAISE JESUS!
I just finished watching parenthood for this week. Amazing Andy and his bugs. It's so funny to watch that. I picture Sammy as an adult as he runs through my house in his superman costume trying to sneak snacks into the living room. He makes me smile.

When Max's dad asked Andy if he was happy and he said "yes, sometimes" and then asked Adam if he was. It occurred to me. that's what I am working so hard for. For Sam to have a normal, happy sometimes kind of life. just like me, but better. I can only support him and love him and pray for every bit of normal he can gather in life.

It takes some of the pressure off, because I really do think he is happy, sometimes. I just somehow got caught up believing he was supposed to be happy all the time. that somehow him being autistic meant I was supposed to make his world perfect for him to get better. What exactly is better anyway? I don't want him to be a drone of society, I like his quirky different thinking and his little idiosyncrasies. I appreciate most of them... except for the issues we have with sock.yes, except socks.

I want Sammy to be happy, and honestly... I think he may be...