Breath in

Sam had a tough early week this week. At one point he launched something large and heavy across the room. He had plans that night to meet up with his coach from last year. I wanted so badly to pull the pin and not let him go. I wanted to ground him for eternity. I wanted to cry and scream and yell and stamp my feet much like a child would do.
Breath In.

Breath Out.

 the thoughts running through my head were making the room spin.

"it's because you are a bad mother. You caused his autism and now look at this. If you don't get this under control now he will be a lost cause when he is older. It's all your fault."

That loop plays over and over in my head at least once a day. It's so painful because somewhere inside I am still not passed that second sentence. Getting there, just not yet.

Breath In

Breath Out.

Gentle-

It isn't the end of the world. No one got hurt.
Breath In

What is it that he NEEDS right now?

Gentle -

He must be really anxious.
Breath Out

THAT'S IT

he was anxious because he was going to see coach. I took a few more deep breaths and went upstairs. We talked about why he was so upset and what was wrong with his reaction. He hugged me(without prompting) and apologized.

He went down and  made  tried to make my coffee.

He went to visit with Coach and he had a great time.

Some days I just need to Breath in and remember

Gentle.

I missed it

Yesterday was awful , a seriously terrible evening.

Upon further reflection, It occurred to me

I missed the good stuff. I focused on the dark gloomy greyness of the end of the day. I need to celebrate more.

Sam had a friend over.
A friend. Like for real! Someone that likes to spend time with Sammy. He and Sammy go along pretty well. Sam seemed happy I noticed a lot of similarities between the boys

regardless Sammy had friend over. I should have focused on that before anything. Its HUGE.

its a big deal. And I was so busy crying on my cupcakes I missed it.

Spring

It's the first day of spring right? so why am I still freezing here? Why is there snow on the ground still? I am so tired of snow and ice. I want sunshine and flowers. I want my lilac to bloom already. Since I can't have those things I figured I would start an I LOVE SPRING list.
It will at least keep my mind off the new numbers released by the CDC of 1 in 50 kids are dx with autism.

                                           

Lilacs.
Flowers.
Sunshine.
Garden prep.
The smell of turned earth.
Time outside.
Warm air.
Open windows.
Birthdays.
Cookouts.

I can't wait for warmer weather.
What would you add?

Sunshine

Today was Sam's open house. I usually hate these things  because I always wonder if people look at me and think "See, that is why he is such a mess" This year was pleasantly different.
Sammy could not wait to go o Open House. He was so excited to show us his class and his desk. We got there and he showed his teachers his treasures that he brought with him. Kids said hi to him and he smiled. He ran off ahead to his classroom, but he waited outside.

The behaviorist, the principle, his teacher, and his reading specialist all said the same thing "he is really doing so wonderfully this year. He is working hard and putting in a real effort. We are so Proud of Sammy" It was enough that I almost cried. I so desperately needed to hear something good about him, because things at home have not been easy.

Sammy in his new obsession ~masks

Then I had a parent come to me and tell me her son talks about Sam C. all the time and was wondering if they could play together some time. Another mom said her daughter says great things about Sammy all the time too.  Some of the kids really wanted to be around him.

I left feeling pleased and happy. I love our team. I love the people who work with my boy and help him over the rough patches. I KNOW this won't last but for now I will just sit back and enjoy the sunshine