Feathers in the Sun

We have an old down comforter someone gave to us years ago when they bought a new one. It's probably about 8 or 9 years old. It's soft and worn and so very cozy. It's also quite old.
It has a small tear that I tied together with a hair tie until I could get to it. It also has a bunch of smaller holes now because the cat loves to play on it and chase the poofs.

The kids were all in my bed the other day. I was so tired because Evangeline had a rough night. I wanted the kids to go play, or go to sleep, or go to college. or something!

then I saw it.

I giant fluffy feather. It was high above Grace and Evie and it was softly falling down. The sun danced over the small wisps of feather edge and it made me smile.

Suddenly those babies couldn't be small long enough. We blew that feather around and caught it and giggled.

I felt like I was right where I wanted to be and I wanted to stop time. I was so overcome with pride and joy for the life I have.

It isn't easy here. Most days it isn't even fun. But we are working on it. Even if it takes a feather in the sun to remind me

Bad Parents

I aim to be gentle with my children. I try to listen to what they say before I react. No good comes from jumping off the mountain and assuming the worst. Right? Well today Nate lost it. he just started crying over something and was so upset and angry he turned all red in the face. I laughed because it caught me off guard. This of course made him feel like I was laughing at him and that made him even more upset.
Instead of being the mother I ry to be, I lost my temper and sent him up to his room. The exact stuff I try to avoid.
It all worked out ok.


My Dearest Nate,

 You are often such a perplexing ball of boy stuffs. You are so full of life, energy, love, excitement, and emotion. Sometime I know I am too hard on you and your 6 year old self. I pray every day that I am not creating damage in your being. I love you so my little butter bean. I need to remember to look through your eyes more often like I did today when you were so sad about the lobsters. Your tiny heart ripped apart because you were so excited.

My dear boy you feel everything so acutely. You and Sammy find joy and love in the simplest of things. Rocks, sticks, bugs, and plants all bring you so much joy. I love watching you seek out everything you love.

I love your power and strength to do as you see fit. The confidence in which you seek the world astounds me because I am often too meek. you may handsome little boy are a force to be reckoned with.

I hope I have taught you that everything around you is a gift from God and deserves to be treasured. I understand your anger when others do not understand you. I appreciate you child and your ability to stand for the truth. You make me so proud.

I have watched you every single day of your life, never missing one day. I am amazed by who you are and what you have become. I cannot imagine how incredible an adult you will be. I am inspired by the carefulness in which you accomplish things. You are such a gift to me.

I know today was tough and I tried to help you gently, because its your tomorrow I am shaping. There is no room for cruelty and anger here. Just love , my sweet boy. I am sorry I yelled and sent you to your room when all you really needed was an extra hug and reassurance. You did not deserve that from me. you deserved to have your trust in me honored. I could promise not to ever make that mistake again but we both know it might happen.
You forgave me easily and snuggled beside me and our hearts healed together.
You are the epitome of love my young son and I am so very proud of you. Keep up the good work.

I have watched you the last few days and weeks finding your own self and dictating more of who you are to the world around you. Allow me to keep up with you darling boy and together we will get where we are going. I want to hold your hand and be beside you. I may not know all the answers but I do know some. Trust me as you learn to trust yourself.

Love,
Momma

Rainy Day Anyway

We dropped the ball for Nate this year and didn't plan a birthday party in May, it was instead at the end of June (a month late). I planned it with his kindergarten graduation party. The day was simply designed to help him feel special. he is sometimes lost in the shuffle. Evie is the baby, Grace is the first girl, Sam is special needs... and then there is Nate.

Nate can be hard to take for some. He comes across as a strong willed child that doesn't care to listen. In fact he is a very excitable, enthusiastic child who needs a little extra time to process. He is super sensitive and  he can be very head strong. He has a wonderful personality once you get to know him. I really enjoy our days together. He can be such a ray of sunshine.

 We invited his friends from last years HS co-op play group. I love these people. They see Nate as the wonderful boy he is, they enjoy his company, and they don't judge his behavior by the same standard other people often do. The see his drive to explore as a wonderful thing and it makes my heart happy. It makes me less stressed and helps to show me he isn't actually being naughty a lot of the time. Nate can totally be himself. There are only a handful of people outside of this group that don't judge Nate,(or me) and we adore spending days with them too!

The day started out drizzly but I figured the rain would stop. We got there (the local beach) and we set up. It down poured and we all huddled under the pop up cover.

The kids were wet and cold and not happy. It looked like it was going to be a short party and that made so sad for Nate.

We hurried up and did his cake so we could let people leave without being sad. Some of the kids just played in the big water puddle beside our table. I took a second to ask God to please help me to make sure Nate wasn't disappointed.

Suddenly the rain stopped and though the sun wasn't out the kids were less miserable. We decided to go check out the ocean waves.

There was a big piddle near the beach entrance and the kids were thrilled with it!. They played in the puddle, played on the beach, and jumped the waves. The Sun ended up coming out and it turned out to be the best party ever for Nate and was exactly what I had hoped for him.

PRAYERS ANSWERED

Snate

January 8, 2013

Nate is 5 and an absolute handful.  We often find ourselves calling his name  for one reason or another. We have been so use to calling after Sam that automatically we would start calling Sammy and switch to Nate. Nate then became ..Snate.

If he weren't so social, engaged, and articulate I would swear he was a spectrum kid too. He doesn't have any kind of diagnosis as far as anyone is concerned and to be honest I am not sure I am interested in one. He learned a lot from Sam, both good and bad. Now he is teaching Sam.

 Nate will often sit in the car and try to engage Sammy in conversation. He will ask about his day, his friends, his school work, even his lunch. Sam offers one, maybe 2 word answers but it never deters Nate. In fact Nate has taught Sam how to build Lego projects and follow the directions. Nate has showed Sam how much fun it can be to build cities, and create stories.

The fight like puppies and the cuddle up now and then. I am so blessed to have a ray of sunshine like Nathaniel. Some days (like today) he is just difficult too. He has those days where he just doesn't want to listen, just can't get himself together, and is all over the place. No matter how is day goes he cuddles up to me at night before bed, tells me he loves me and falls asleep beside me.