Monday, August 12, 2013

Bad Parents

I aim to be gentle with my children. I try to listen to what they say before I react. No good comes from jumping off the mountain and assuming the worst. Right? Well today Nate lost it. he just started crying over something and was so upset and angry he turned all red in the face. I laughed because it caught me off guard. This of course made him feel like I was laughing at him and that made him even more upset.
Instead of being the mother I ry to be, I lost my temper and sent him up to his room. The exact stuff I try to avoid.
It all worked out ok.

My Dearest Nate,

 You are often such a perplexing ball of boy stuffs. You are so full of life, energy, love, excitement, and emotion. Sometime I know I am too hard on you and your 6 year old self. I pray every day that I am not creating damage in your being. I love you so my little butter bean. I need to remember to look through your eyes more often like I did today when you were so sad about the lobsters. Your tiny heart ripped apart because you were so excited.

My dear boy you feel everything so acutely. You and Sammy find joy and love in the simplest of things. Rocks, sticks, bugs, and plants all bring you so much joy. I love watching you seek out everything you love.

I love your power and strength to do as you see fit. The confidence in which you seek the world astounds me because I am often too meek. you may handsome little boy are a force to be reckoned with.

I hope I have taught you that everything around you is a gift from God and deserves to be treasured. I understand your anger when others do not understand you. I appreciate you child and your ability to stand for the truth. You make me so proud.

I have watched you every single day of your life, never missing one day. I am amazed by who you are and what you have become. I cannot imagine how incredible an adult you will be. I am inspired by the carefulness in which you accomplish things. You are such a gift to me.

I know today was tough and I tried to help you gently, because its your tomorrow I am shaping. There is no room for cruelty and anger here. Just love , my sweet boy. I am sorry I yelled and sent you to your room when all you really needed was an extra hug and reassurance. You did not deserve that from me. you deserved to have your trust in me honored. I could promise not to ever make that mistake again but we both know it might happen.
You forgave me easily and snuggled beside me and our hearts healed together.
You are the epitome of love my young son and I am so very proud of you. Keep up the good work.

I have watched you the last few days and weeks finding your own self and dictating more of who you are to the world around you. Allow me to keep up with you darling boy and together we will get where we are going. I want to hold your hand and be beside you. I may not know all the answers but I do know some. Trust me as you learn to trust yourself.