A "rainbow baby" is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.
In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.
The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.
"We lost our last pregnancy, but now we have a rainbow baby."
~Urban Dictionary~
Sammy was my rainbow baby though I had never heard that phrase before. Rainbow babies are supposed to bring closure and joy and peace. He brought those things simply because he was a baby. He was born during an extremely tumultuous time in my life. there wasn't much peace about me. I also had not come to terms yet with Loosing Emma and so I never felt that relief other people might have. It doesn't help either that I lost Emma on the same day that Samuel was born.
Sam is a thunder storm in the making. He rumbles like thunder in the distance and often strikes like lightning. The storm rages in him some days as he rumbles by. It's over almost before it began.
No amount of discipline will ever change that. Nothing I can do controls the storm in him. He is simply, himself.
He has been particularly difficult this summer. Part hormones and part dis-regulation. He has been next to impossible.We are waiting for a therapist for him. I can't help but love this kid though Freak outs and all. It can get ugly here. As bad as it can be, he still hugs me and snuggles in. He squeezes me tight and asks why I smell so good. He also calls me names when he is angry. It can be maddening. While I can't change the autistic parts of him (and honestly I am not sure I would if I could) I do wish it was easier for him. I do wish life wasn't so much work for him. I do wish he was happier in his own skin. I spend hours up at night worried about the choices we make. Until you have had your own Special Needs child you can't possible understand what it is like to parent one, worry about one, love one, fear one and settle one.
Sam is a thunder storm in the making. He rumbles like thunder in the distance and often strikes like lightning. The storm rages in him some days as he rumbles by. It's over almost before it began.
No amount of discipline will ever change that. Nothing I can do controls the storm in him. He is simply, himself.
He has been particularly difficult this summer. Part hormones and part dis-regulation. He has been next to impossible.We are waiting for a therapist for him. I can't help but love this kid though Freak outs and all. It can get ugly here. As bad as it can be, he still hugs me and snuggles in. He squeezes me tight and asks why I smell so good. He also calls me names when he is angry. It can be maddening. While I can't change the autistic parts of him (and honestly I am not sure I would if I could) I do wish it was easier for him. I do wish life wasn't so much work for him. I do wish he was happier in his own skin. I spend hours up at night worried about the choices we make. Until you have had your own Special Needs child you can't possible understand what it is like to parent one, worry about one, love one, fear one and settle one.
He was supposed to be my rainbow baby. So what do you do when your Rainbow baby also brings a storm of his own?