I am safe.
I am in no danger.
I am in treatment.I am on meds.
I am trusting in God.
I am safe.
I am not posting this for advice. Honestly, I just have to get this out so I can move forward.
Suicide - the check mate of the battle with depression. It's final. It's brutal. People are left in the wake of it, shattered, and drowning themselves.
Thet begin to ask why. How didn't they know they were loved? Why didn't they tell me? How didn't I know?
There is this fine line of deception that happens in the heads of someone that is depressed. Our brain plays tricks on us.
We begin to believe that no one wants to hear it, no matter how many times other's reach out.We begin to believe we are a burden to our friends . That they don't want to know, because it's always us.
Your brain begins to tell you that you are a burden on everyone around you.
You believe it.
You feel isolated.
You fall deeper into the void of your own mind.
You convince yourself that you aren't worth it, you aren't loved, you aren't able to take one more breath.
Because your brain whispers to you. It tells you that you are a burden to your parents, your children, your husband, your friends, your church. You begin to see that everyone would be better off without you.
And you move forward with the belief that the world will be brighter without you. That no one is going to miss you.
The truth is...
The sun will still rise and set without you.
The rain will fall, the birds will sing, and the flowers will still grow.
But,
The people that love you will never see those things again. Because your light is gone from their day.
Because darkness swallows everything whole. It's the largest monster you will ever face down.
I am facing it now, and I am terrified.
But I refuse to let it take those I love too.