Saturday, January 24, 2009


Sammy learned about martin Luther king Jr in school. they also tied it in with Barack Obama. well Sammy has gotten it so confused. he now says every day about 500 times a day that Barack Obama was a black man, he got killed cuz he dreamed and he also now thinks that every black man we see is Barack Obama. so we go to the mall and he screams across the concourse "look barakobama" at the very top of his lungs. and if that weren't enough he begins flapping and jumping on his tip toes. no way to get out of that quietly.

Sammy has been taking out my water bottles and working hard lining them up over and over. i put them away over and over and he just keeps doing it again. not so bad but like this time it was directly across my doorway. not fun

Sammy enjoying his brownie so much he fell asleep while eating his good day treat. melatonin is the best thing ever.

it's just a joke

so that is Sam's new phrase he says it all the time. it makes no sense and he usually says it when i am really mad at him. i haven't figured out where he got it from but I am sure i will.

he drew a great picture at school. Mr. Ohno. its just eyes and a head legs and two hands. he also got student of the week this week again. you see Sammy strips off all unnecessary clothes at school... socks, underwear, tee shirts you name it. so Friday he came home and his socks were still on so his teacher gave him student of the week. YAY SAM.

Tracey and Erin gave Sammy a ball for Christmas that he LOVES. it was full of air and big and red and looks like a giant chuzzle. well it got popped and he cried for days over it. until he realised that he could put it on his head and wear it. so he does. he wears it everywhere. he loves it. it's his new favorite stim toy. thank god he now leaves my microwave pieces alone!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

give me one moment in time

over the last 4+ years I have been through so much with Sammy. I still kick myself for all the things I didn't know or realise. It makes me sad because I am sure he would be even better off if I had caught it sooner. but that is just my head talking

I've been giving a lot of though lately to the future. what life may or may not be like for Sam as he gets older. granted he isn't rain man or anything but he certainly isn't your average Joe either.

will he drive

will he live on his own

will he get married

should we consider training him for first communion and if we do what then. it has gluten .

he seems to be on an upswing lately, directly proportionate to the downturn he took the past few weeks. he got dressed and ready for school without too much fuss ( i let him wear his jammies under his clothes)he ate dinner, cuddled and was just great. he told me he loves me and hugged me without me having to ask (a rare occasion) he asked for a cup cake and waited until I got it.

his speech suddenly jumped a level and now i can understand him 80% of the time.

praise god

its good today. but you never know. it's like having a wild animal in the house it can turn on you any second.

someone today was talking about how frustrating regression can be. it is so hard. every day with Sam is like a dance. 12 forward 6 to the left and 9 back. but somehow we always end up ahead of where he was when we started. He is starting to be one hell of a dance partner.

I'll take it. at least now he knows I'm here. at least now he can say he loves me. he is Sam after all. every moment of everyday is such a challenge for me to care for him... but I think everyday is even more of a challenge for him to try to fit into the world around him.

Monday, January 12, 2009



3rd times a charm

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

all about me

being the mother of a child with special needs is not the easiest thing in the world. It can often be undignified and really down right too fast to manage. So as a result of this and working nights (to be home with sam during the day) and poor eating habits. i've put on more weight than I am happy with. I'm working at loosing 25 pounds or so. I found a great site ,im moving my butt and enjoying it... mostly. feel free to come and join me anytime at my fitness pal

[url=][img][/img][/url]Created by - Free [url=]Diet Journal[/url]

Monday, January 5, 2009

living with sammy is the equivelant to living with an abusive boyfriend

Friday, January 2, 2009

poor Sammy has been so sick. coughing and hacking. fever and wheezing.
Interestingly enough when he runs a fever he seems normal. I should have known something was amiss when he explained to me that his head was a melon and if I ate it he would go to heaven. He really isn't feeling much better yet, but he feels well enough that his sensory issues are over the top. his blood sugar is a mess and he is off diet from the Tylenol for the fever. necessary evils yes but the fall out sucks. he screams and cries. he hits AJ whenever he gets in striking distance. he is stealing food and tonight he woke from his nap freaking out. screaming about the light and the noise and everything else. I am exhausted. poor baby cant help it. he is stimming on everything. he keeps singing songs over and over and over, playing with the door chain like a cat with string. counting to ten over and over. kicking screaming and just being an autistic 4 year old.

but he still wants to love me. he still kisses me and hugs me and smothers me. he rubs my face and my shoulders and my chest. he has been so sick he keeps even asking to nurse. that has been forever.

he just woke up. tells me he peed in his pull up. gets a new one and says its not a pull up its a nemo swim(swim diaper) i get him a pull up he asks to cuddle by sitting in my spot. he smiles and touches my cheek. "Sammy hand cold" he says he is sitting with me stimming on my ear phone wire cuddled into my chest. And for this moment there is no where else I would rather be in the world then here with my Sam I Am