Friday, May 4, 2012

Stolen Moments

There have been many goings-on around here lately. I kind of feel as though the BIG GUY upstairs has been trying to get my attention. Some of the ways are subtle,others aren't. I am not sure what he is getting at but I can feel my heart changing drastically from who I use to be. It seems every few years God sends me off in another direction that makes no sense to me at first. Sometimes I get mad and flip out. I hope there aren't video playbacks in heaven. I can see me now screaming at the top of my lungs at God while driving 80 down the highway. Not my finest moment, but it's who I am.

I am getting to a point in my life where I am done apologizing for who I am. If it doesn't work then I move on. Sometimes though, it takes a lot for me to figure out that it isn't working.

Sunday at Mass Monseigneur said something that made me choke up right there in church. He was talking about  sin and how we can convince ourselves that it's ok, we just have to do a few things after to make it right (confession, penance..ect) but thats when the real evil takes hold. We hear that voice in our heads "You worthless nothing, haven't you already used up all of Gods graces by now?" Just typing the words right now made my eyes sting and my throat catch.

I wish I had a penny for every time I have heard that. It comes up almost daily, even when I haven't done something wrong. I hear it over and over. It never fails that evil just knows where the soft spots are. It comes after you in much the same way Voldermort went after Harry.

The message I hear every day is that I am not enough. I am weak. I can't make it work. I am a failure.
I am not strong enough.
not alone anyway

That's where my faith has to come in. Without it I would never get out of bed.

Matthew West - Strong Enough (Official Music Video) from matthew-west on GodTube.