Saturday, May 26, 2012

I am not a Martyr

When I talk to people out in the community about Sam I always get the same look.  Other special needs parents know the look I am talking about. The look that says "OHYOUPOORTHINGIHAVENOIDEAWHATTOSAYNOW" and is almost always followed by "everything happens for a reason"  or "God doesn't give you more than you can handle"
I know people just want to be nice or say something clever and sweet, but we have all heard it.  I think , personally, the tone used upsets me more than anything really.

I don't want to be your martyr, I don't want to be your poor thing. I want you to understand that this is not a death sentence, it's autism. We live with it every day. It sucks and it's hard but that is ok.

I am making peace with it. I am done fighting it and trying to change it. I just want to be "normal" is no longer something I say. I just want to be OUR normal. whatever that means for us. I am ok where we are. It sucks when I can't find his pants or he has a meltdown again, just because it's Sunday. It sucks when he gets upset and I can't figure out why. But it's OK.

I am no one's martyr. I am no one's saint. I am no one's project, pitty case, or sob story. I am no one's scape goat, I am no one's excuse... and neither is my son