His sudden paralyzing fear of the stairs while wearing socks.
The extreme refusal to do anything difficult.
His request for a day off or early dismissal every.single.day.
His obsession with Star Wars Lego (which I am now addicted to as well).
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| AJ rocking the "hawk" at 8 |
None of those things really matter today, because today isn't about him. My son AJ noticed a lump in his chest a while back. we didn't think anything of it. We did show it to the doctor at his physical and they sent us for an ultrasound. The ultrasound raised red flags. We know now it isn't vascular and it isn't soft tissue. We know it's attached to his actual rib and it does not show up on X-ray. We don't know what it is or why it's there. The pediatrician has referred us to Boston Children's Hospital for a surgery consult. I am a nervous wreck. The doctor did say that he doesn't "think" it's cancer, that it "probably" is something benign, but that we really should err on the side of caution and check it out. That.scares.me.
AJ is also being seen by the spine and scoliosis clinic. His thoracic spine has a visible curve to the right shoulder. His back always hurts him, poor kid.
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| AJ at the soccer banquet at 13 |
I guess my fear is that after all this boy has been through in his life. I keep thinking about all the things he fought through and survived, the times he has shocked doctors with quick recoveries, the times when the doctors couldn't quite understand how or why he recovered, and wondering if our luck is going to run out. Has he played his hand too well. No one wins 100% of the time right? What if what if what if...
I would like to believe that just having a child with special needs changes the odds for my family. That lightening can only strike so many times. I know that isn't true. I see it in my circle all the time. I KNOW what can happen. Just because our family has one cross to bear doesn't mean we wont be handed another. In fact it means exactly bubkis. It means nothing. So I am scared. I don't know what they will say today. The logical part of me says it's fine, it's nothing...but my stomach is still in knots.
So if you have a second say a quick prayer for AJ and if you don't pray then send us some good energy or whatever. It's all a plus really