Thursday, September 6, 2012

The First Day of School.

Sam has been anxious most of the summer because he knew school was coming. It turned out just fine in the long run, but we had some anxiety that first day. Then we missed the bus by about 2 minutes. My mom came and we drove him to school. He froze outside of his classroom but one of the para professionals he works with was able to assist us and get us into the room.

I watched the little girl he would be sitting with greet him. I watched her smile brightly. I watched the teacher shake his hand. I watched his friends smile, obviously happy to see Sammy.

I also saw his fingers by his side fluttering a mile a minute. A sure sign he was stressed. I watched him as he sat in his chair and tapped the desk with his finger. I walked away after a brief wave goodbye, but I saw panic in his eyes. It took every ounce of strength I had to not take his hand and bring him home. I wanted to rescue him from his anxiety and stress. I wanted to make it better for him. If I had a magic wand at that moment I would have moved the world for him. Instead I walked away. I walked away because it was what he needed me to do. I walked away because if I had stayed one more second he would have seen the tears in my eyes. I left the school with my eyes stinging and a heavy heart. He was scared and there wasn't anything I could do but walk away.

He did enjoy his first day. I missed him so much. Of course I was happy to have him home ... until he punched Nate in the chest. Then I began counting the hours until the next day of school!