Sunday, September 16, 2012

Out of my Depth

 The half marathon is today and I am 16.5 weeks pregnant.  I kind of resemble a weeble wobble at this point. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I got myself into this. What the Hell was I thinking?I am pretty nervous because I have never done anything like this before and I am so out of my depth. I had originally planned on running this half marathon but the pregnancy with squish and severe morning sickness kind of derailed that. I haven't trained the way I would have liked to or as much as I would have liked to and of course that has me worried. Everyone keeps reminding me that I am pregnant and that I should take it easy. Lots of people keep telling me this isn't a good idea. Even Sam says "I don't think I feel good about this, if the babies dies your so busted" OUCH.

My husband has been super supportive, thank God. I understand the concerns as I am CLEARLY out of my depths.

You know what scared me more than the 13.1 miles? The CROWD! I am short of breath just thinking about it. I can't even write about it. There were far less people last night then there will be today and even that was hard.

You know what though? HARD =/= IMPOSSIBLE
It doesn't equal quit or fail or walk away. Someone we were sitting with last night asked "You're STILL going to do it...PREGNANT???" I kind of laughed and then I explained like I have explained to everyone else.

My Son, my sweet fluffy headed boy doesn't get to quit because it's hard
he doesn't get to wake up in the morning and say "You know, this isn't a good idea. I think I will just STOP being autistic." He doesn't get to walk away because something unplanned comes along.
He doesn't get to quit. 
Neither do I.
I am doing this for him, because I want him to know
he isn't alone
he isn't broken
I am doing this because he needs to know
there are so many others like him
that he HAS support
I admire that little boy so very much and because he can't give up