|Sammy during the spring snowstorm in MA|
I feel lost in the ether, floating aimlessly. My son is very verbal and if it weren't for the behaviors he would be considered by most "high functioning". I feel like that label discounts how much he struggles ,how hard it is for him every.single.day. Sometimes I feel like we don't belong in the autism community because Sammy can often seem so freaking normal to people who don't get it. I have friends with completely non-verbal kids, kids still in diapers at 10 , kids who don't even acknowledge when their mother walks in a room. They seem to have it way more together than I do. How do I go to them and complain that I'm struggling?
So I don't. I sit here and I write.I fight the lump in my throat that threatens to bubble up when I speak. I am resigned and beaten tonight. I sensor myself in the world and deflect the stares I get in the store when Sammy begins screaming. I just continue to sit here and write.