Saturday, May 31, 2008

Today was a wedding day

I went to a shower today then on the way home watched a beautiful bride walking up the steps of the church. It occurred to me that Sam may never be well enough to get married. I run that risk with all the children I know. You never really know what life brings, anything to could happen to anyone of my children. It's all a crap shoot really. regardless of the possibility I still can picture my boys as adults.

I can see Tyler in all of his Asperger's wonder being a brilliant scientist. I don't know that i see him getting married. I think he may be a priest and personally I think that is fantastic. I don't doubt that Tyler will be great as an adult.

AJ maybe little. In fact he may even qualify someday as being a little person. There really is no way to know. Doctors estimate his final height to fall between 4'6" and 4'11". If anyone can handle being so little it is AJ. That kid ROCKS. He plays baseball, basketball, and soccer. He is fantastic at pretty much everything he tries. He is smart and funny and lovable. He will end up marrying some 6 foot tall blond model with DD boobs and a PhD. I can see it.

Nate is so little. he is such a sweet loving happy kid. he is one of those people that makes you feel special with just a smile. Fantastically silly and wonderfully opinionated even at one year old.

And then there is a Sammy. i have no idea what he will be able to do. Will he be able to go to college? Will he ever have a meaningful relationship (considering he barely even attaches to me)? Will he be able to hold a job and keep his temper under control?It occurred to me with every weeding moment I went through that there are no guarantees that any of my boys will get married, have jobs,have lives much beyond this moment. But Sammy is the only one I cannot picture myself dancing with at his wedding. the only one I can't see learning to drive. the only one I can't see ever moving beyond super heroes and poop. he is the only child that I really doubt the future of. I want to be positive but how do I get there from here?