Monday, December 19, 2011

My Heart Monday

Sometimes you just have to show up. That's it. Nothing else. No fireworks, no drum roll, nothing.Just. Show. Up. It's all you get and it has to be good enough even when it isn't.
We had Daniel's family Christmas yesterday. It was without major meltdown or drama. Sammy only bolted once from the house without shoes down the driveway. He went without his shoes on and protested changing out of the damn corduroys he has been wearing all week (yes all week that is another post in and of itself).

Sounds like success right? Not exactly. He didn't engage, he didn't enjoy and he didn't show up.Well he may have enjoyed all by himself. My boy was vacant for the day. Appropriate with his scripted niceties and common conversation (which isn't really conversation at all) No Sammy stories that are both outlandish and endearing. He was there in body, dressed well except for shoes. He found Lego guys downstairs in the basement and that was where he was. All Day.

He refused presents. He refused interaction. He refused to show up. We had one flash of Sammy. One bit of glimmer and one private moment that I treasure as the highlight of the day.

I went to ask him if he would like to come up for presents.
ME ~ Sammy it's time to open presents. Come upstairs please?
Sam ~ No thanks
ME ~ You don't want presents Sammy?
Sam ~ No thanks. (long pause) I need more guys.More Lego guys.Can you find them for me.
ME ~ Oh.? (at this point my eyes kind of welled up. He doesn't ask for help with much.) sure

we found a few more Lego guys for his project and he sat quietly. 2 more times I went down and after the third try he came up to open gifts. he smiled,said thank you and was polite. He got a bull horn that changes his voice. He lit up like a tree. The Aunts kept apologizing for the gift , Tracey picked it out. Tracey is an OT, she knows Sammy is a sensory seeker. SCORE Tracey. He has said things today and last night through his bull horn in all sorts of voices that he would never have said without it. My boy showed up for a few minutes. I'll take it.

Dan and I decided we liked it this way though. He dealt with today in a way he was happy. I can't complain about that. So protocol from now on. We bring Lego blocks, we let him be...anything else is cake!