Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Here we are once again.

Things I Can't Say


Hey autism why don't you pick on someone your own size damn it! You're like the boogie man. You creep around the shadows on the edges of consciousness and terrify people. You attack little kids and steal them from their parents. You take hopes and dreams and suck the life out of the rest of us. You have made me age twice as fast as before while causing my child to age at half speed. How is that OK?

You. are. a. bully. You show no mercy, no discretion, no care for who you touch. You place that icy finger on people and walk away as though you have more important things to do. You create a struggle for the most simple moments. You take away family peace and peace of mind. You have me afraid of every corner I turn. You have me holding my breath and waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting for the next behavior that sends us to the crisis center. Waiting for the call from school. Waiting to find him gone in the middle of the night because he decided to go and find the neighbors cat or shovel the street.

You, autism, are pervasive and  invasive. You don't give up. You never quit. I can't even watch T.V. shows without you in my face. I want to find the blessing in this. I want to see the bright side. But you know what, you autism have stolen the sunshine and left me only cold dark scary shadows.

Well, Guess what? I am not taking it anymore. YOU HEARD ME. I am done with you. I will do everything I can so that you wont take another child like you have my Sammy. I will not allow it. DO YOU HEAR ME!? I have fought back for my boy. I have breathed and bled and cried to get him back. I was lucky, not everyone is. There is nothing...NOTHING that you can do that will ever EVER make me quit. If I quit you win. I am a sore loser so be ready for me. I am a mama bear and you done ticked me off. It's on my friend. You better watch your back.