Thursday, July 14, 2011

the weight of it

I took Sammy to the grocery store. I typically choose not to since it's hard to keep his hands off things but I took him anyway. Temporary amnesia perhaps? Who knows what I was thinking.
Sam was pretty good.  He did discover the scales all over the produce department. everything we bought he would run over to the scales and place it inside.... flap flap flap. how much mom over and over flap flap flap... he was by far the most excited about the beets and snap peas.I would answer him each time the amount. he would ask if it was exact. and then ask if it was enough or too much. he would go to each veggie we have in our garden and repeat "we have those  right mom?" with such beaming pride and excitement that we did indeed have them in our garden. I apparently should have planted jalapeno peppers, Brussel sprouts and corn. I got an earful over those things. All was good until it was time to leave. Aj watched over him while I checked out and Sammy bolted towards the door. Aj stopped him and then of course Sam punched AJ. lovely. apparently Sammy's limit was about 5 minutes short of what needed to happen which is a vast improvement

Normal for us however most days. I still say it was a decent trip.

What bothers me though is the way people stare. they watch and make comments under their breath. Yes. I have five kids. No, I am not anymore overwhelmed right now than I was before #5 was born. Yes, everything is fine. Yes, I can handle it. No, I'm not some derelict mother who cannot control my kids.
Having five kids seems to make people want to find something to judge me on.
I use to be that way many moons ago. I was the one who thought I had parenting down. I was SOOO good at it. HA! youth and ignorance. I have been humbled by a child who chooses to do his own thing.  A child that laughs in the middle of the store for no reason and so loudly that people turn their heads and stare. I have been humbled by a child who runs away from me, cried for no outwardly discernible reason and screams words like moron and idiot  anytime he doesn't get what he wants. Who tells me he hates me on a daily basis. Even though I know he doesn't mean it, it still stings and even though I know sometimes he just cant control the impulse I still feel like a bad parent.
I have been humbled by Sammy. No need to judge me people, because quite frankly you will never be as hard on me as I am on myself