Sunday, February 16, 2014

True Forgiveness-

There are people in this world that break parts of who we are and challenge us in ways that change the trajectory of who we become. They inject something into our character, be it good or bad, and it becomes part of us. We don't always have a choice, and it doesn't always feel good, but it is still part of our being. It shapes how we grow, learn, relate, and feel.

Sometimes those things are awful and tear apart the person you are. They break you. They wound you.  And yet, in the darkness, there is still forgiveness.

Seeing the pain in my children's eyes as they embark on the loss of someone they love is difficult. It hurts to sit back and watch them as they maneuver the unforgiving  clock that just keeps ticking faster. There is no turning back. I am saddened by their loss of time, their loss of love, and their loss of innocence. I am saddened at a life being torn from this world so painfully. So soon. Without reparations made. I am saddened that this poor woman and her family , of which I was once part, are hurting.

I want to remain angry and recount every misdeed. I want to be spiteful and not care.

That is not who my Savior created me to be. I have chased those shadows for years and many days before this journey, I forgave the hurt. I moved past it because, people don't behave poorly because they are happy and healthy inside. People that inflict pain do it because they hurt inside. Because  they are broken and want the world to be broken beside them. they do not want to be alone.

Despite the madness and evil . I have forgiven. Truly forgiven. I release it all. I will continue to pray. I will continue to support my children.

As a child that comes before our Savior and asks for forgiveness, so I go before him and ask for mercy. Not for myself but on behalf of her. Because Lord,  I finally understand. Any animal, when wounded enough, will strike. I refuse to let myself become part of the spiral.