Friday, May 31, 2013

Today I am THAT mom

I should be doing lesson with Nate right now, instead he is watching Handy Manny. We are working on the letter Q. His birthday party was going to be this weekend, but I didn't plan well. So were going to reschedule. Today I am THAT mom that dropped the ball. I spent the first hour of the day beating myself up over things I need to do/ haven't done/ didn't finish.
Today I am THAT mom that lets her kids eat while watching TV even though it's against household rules. Today I am the one breaking the rules, not that my kids are complaining.

You see I am emotionally overwhelmed right now and in some kind of emotional shutdown.
All I can think is

I DON'T WANNA!!! I want to stamp my feet for good measure then curl up under the covers and make it all go away.

Today is Tyler's last day of school. LAST.DAY.FOREVER
yeah... ouch
My little boy is growing up and I can placate my already raw emotions by saying "well at least he doesn't have his licence yet" but that happens soon. Then


I am so proud.

Tonight, again, I will be that mom crying my eyes out  choking back tears at least until I get into the car as he goes off to prom. I am quite certain I will embarrass him, which is likely why he chose his girlfriends parents to give him a ride over his own mother.  Also why he wants to hang at her house after prom.
I am  won't be that mom that all the kids talked about in high school in that hushed whisper  "Did you see so-and-so's mom crying like a loon?!"
Because you see... for the last 18 years my goal was to get him here, without a baby, without stupidity, without drama. Now here it is 18 years later and he has done everything I hoped and more. The last 18 years were amazing, filled with concerts and projects at the last minute. Filled with tears and laughter and everything in between.I showed up every single day, even when I didn't want to. Because that's what a parent does, They show up. they fight the fight and they get it done.

Yeah. I'm still showing up today but in muted colors... Normally I am a bright color kinda mom. Today, I'm a pastel water color mom.
so today I will embrace being THAT mom. We will watch TV and play all day. I don't much care. I won't do laundry, or dishes. they can wait until tonight. Because as soon as I blink, it will be Evie's turn