Friday, August 29, 2008

somewhere in my head

I am still trying to shift the focus from one thing to another with Sam. I am past that grieving point and working on acceptance. I am grateful it isn't cancer, or AIDS, or any other such ailment. I hate that my mother once said " at least it's only autism"

only autism
interesting(slightly insulting yes) but interesting concept

only autism
stims on movies, dust, noise.. lots of stuff
creates a world for my son that he is comfortable in
turns every day objects like CD's and sunshine into hours of entertainment
changes his view and mine of the world
changes the worlds view of him
only autism
put me in a place that is starting to make sense and starting to hurt less. there is far more celebrating these days then their was 6 months ago.
i haven't given up. I have changed my mind on how I want to approach this.

i prayed for years for God to give me a real purpose. to call me in a voice I couldn't ignore. No one on this earth could EVER ignore Sammy.
so he called, I wasn't ready to listen 8 months ago.
I'm listening now Lord
as Sammy would say
"less dooin dis fing"