To Connect

It's so difficult for Sam to cuddle and connect , unless it's connecting with babies. All babies love him. His cousin came to visit and just adored him. He woke up this morning and came downstairs. He never said Hi mom. He didn't ask his usual set of questions. He simply sat down next to me, told me he had clean hands and he needed to hold squish.

And so his day began with this

REAL LOVE

Announcing

Evangeline Simone

7  pounds 6 ounces

21 inches long

IKEA

We went to IKEA today because we needed a set of bunk beds for the boys. Sammy broke nate's bed this morning during a major explosive behavior. He was so upset and ended up even hurting himself in the process. It wasn't an easy morning. He seemed to pull it together and so off to IKEA we went. He was awesome in the store and enjoyed climbing on all the furniture. He was soft and playful;. But it was a long trip. IKEA is like the land of never ending walmart. I couldn't stand it> I wanted to cry just getting to check out. There were people everywhere and honestly we dumped our idea of buying the bed and left. We can just order it online

Moments of Peace

It was a good day today mostly. Sam played by himself today for the first time In as long as I can remember. He got out the paints and made a giant mess. It was EVERYWHERE, on the walls, the chairs, the sink, the floor and all three of the littles. Gracie was thrilled that her brother painted her blue too. He cut out a Minecraft sword and made a helmet too. He was quiet for over an hour.

minecraft armor and sword BEFORE paint

Most moms would have likely had an absolute fit over the mess. I almost did. However, it's Lent here and my goal for this year is to be more gentle in my words. I want to work on being grateful more and coming unglued less. It isn't easy for sure. It's a start.

Sam and Nate even cleaned up. Nate showed Sammy exactly what do and they worked together. it was awesome

Vacation is ALMOST over

YES! thank you it's almost over. Tomorrow is Friday and that means after the weekend Sam goes back to school. It isn't that I don't LOVE having him around. I enjoy the easier mornings without stress of getting on the bus. No drama over clothes because he doesn't have P.E. and no packing lunches.

He is home all day. He is moody and off his schedule. He misses his routine.I can't do much because I am so very pregnant I can hardly move. Poor kid is really struggling. It's almost over for both of us.

Somedays

Sometimes the only thing to be happy about is friends who bring yummy snacks and friends that bring coffee fizzes. Because after a day like today, I am just glad its over.

Friends

We have been blessed with some serious angel friends in our circle. Friends that go to bat for us, support us in difficult times and reach out for us when we really needed it.

I have had friends come visit and help clean up. I have had friends come and chit chat so I don't feel so alone. I mentioned that I was feeling isolated and people in my life made a point to help. I really do feel blessed to know them.

States

When you have a child it's like being given a giant book with millions of pages. It seems almost impossible to read through it, it feels like getting to the end will take forever. Then BOOM suddenly you're at the end of the book staring down the barrel of an entirely new book. That's the way it goes.

Tyler leaves tomorrow for states. He didn't do as well at sectionals as we had hoped and it was incredibly heartbreaking for all of us. I spent most of the day bursting into tears, especially when I realized that this would be the last time I saw him wrestle. He goes to states as an alternate tomorrow. If anyone in his divisional weight class cannot wrestle he does. I physically cannot make it there to watch him. With my due date just 9 days away I am nearly unable to walk by noon most days thanks to SPD.

In a few short weeks he will be 18. Shortly after that he could be moving away for a job out of state. he wants to join the military after that in wrestle there. He wants to spread his wings and that amazes me.
He amazes me. His lack of fear, his fresh look at the world, his youth... it's all so incredible. I have raised an amazing young man that I am so proud to call my son. Despite every single screw up I have ever made, despite the drama of his early years. Despite being a teen mom, he turned out OK.

So many chapters are closing for Tyler this year. So many opportunities are waiting for him. I can't wait to see what the next 18 years brings him.

Pictures

I am sorting through my photographs for "fun" pictures of Tyler for his wrestling banquet. It was like a giant flashback into yester-year. So many moments I had forgotten and so many more that I hadn't. My babies are all growing up so fast. It goes by in a blink. It's like flash paper held over a candle and gone in a blink, with almost no trace. Except for the pictures. 

I am so glad I have them. 

Not just About Us

I have this amazing niece, her name is Kimmie and she has mosaic down syndrome. Her and her incrediMom Jody are raising money for International Mosaic Down Syndrome Awareness.
Hop on over and check it out and if the spirit moves you go ahead and help out.
Jody wrote a little for us all about Kimmie and her total awesomeness.

Kimmie is quickly approaching her 14th birthday. She is smart, sassy, funny and she gives the BEST hugs!!  She is in the 8th grade and continues to bring home A’s and B’s. By looking at her you would never imagine the daily struggles she faces. You see, Kimmie has Mosaic Down Syndrome (MDS).

This is a rare form Down Syndrome (DS) that makes up less than 2% of the DS population. We received this diagnosis, just 3 days after Kimmie was born, by the genetic specialist at Boston Children’s Hospital.
Kimmie’s amazing road has been long but our Blessings are countless!! Kimmie was born full term, an adorable 7lbs 3oz 20inches long on March 29th at Falmouth Hospital. At birth she had gurgles and the testing began. She was transported to BCH at 6hrs old and by 12hrs after birth she was undergoing her first surgery. The morning testing had resulted in a diagnosis of Tracheo-esophageal Fistula with Esophageal Atresia. In English, her esophagus had never formed all the way to her stomach and she had a nonsense tube connecting her stomach and her lungs!! At one week she underwent another surgery to remove a second fistula connecting her esophagus and her trachea.  A feeding tube was put in during this surgery as she had never eaten by mouth with fear of aspiration. She needed to heal and then learn to suck and swallow. Here is where her amazing strength went into over drive!
She spent 2wks in the NICU and 3wks in the surgical recovery before being released from BCH.  They told us she would probably have a feeding tube for up to 18mths. She had it 11wks! They told me she would never learn to nurse as I faithfully pumped every feeding for her. By 4mths she was exclusively breastfeeding! Every doubt they have given us, she has proved them wrong!

Yes, she had delays. She walked a little later than my other two children (14mths).  It took her longer to potty train and get her verbal skills together. She still, at 13, sees a speech therapist twice a week. She began stuttering in the 3rd grade. She has sensory issues: no hoods, turtlenecks, ties around the neck. She likes the idea of jewelry but after a few minutes fusses it’s choking her or itching. She is STUBBORN! That is one stereotype of children with DS that is completely undeniable! She has “quirks” things need to be done a certain way, routine is a must! I often call her “my little rain man”. If she slept late and ate breakfast at 10:30 lunch is still at noon and as she eats breakfast “what’s for lunch” is coming out of her mouth.

Kimmie was also diagnosed with Hypothyroidism at age 9. This was not a complete surprise her daddy also has it. It is also very common in those with DS. We have also switched her to a Gluten Free diet as she had all symptoms of Celiac Disease, also common with not only Down Syndrome but with Hypothyroidism. We did have a biopsy done but it was negative, though I was told that she could have a long term reaction as opposed to an immediate reaction. Since the GF change I have seen some great improvements.

I would have to say through all of this her social skills are her biggest struggle. Her maturity level is definitely a couple years behind her peers. She “has no filter”, if she thinks it, she says it, though we don’t have an issue with improper language. She does have an IEP at school and has minor adjustments made as needed within the classroom. She is in a mainstream class room with her peers and has an aide with assignments as needed. She is planning to try out for the High School Dance team next year and she is going to begin guitar lessons for her birthday! She amazes me everyday!

God sent me this Blessing to love and cherish with no warning of the road to come. He felt I could handle it and Blessed me with this precious girl. Would I have changed anything knowing the road we struggled down and continue to travel? Absolutely not!!  She has changed and Blessed my family in so many ways and for that I am Grateful! I wouldn’t have my life any other way.

Banking it

Sam opened his own bank account today. He signed his name and opened an account. It was a big day for him for sure.

My Love

Glad to Have Dad.

My dad is a hero when it comes to my boys. They tell me that "bapa knows everything"     I will often be asked a question (even by the older two) and be told that they don't believe me they are going to ask bapa.

my dad is a full time student at our local college. He is doing amazing.  It may not seem like a big deal but my dad is an as Aspie   As a kid he was called names and made fun of for being slow and not understanding things. he really believed he was stupid. Things have changed so much in the last few decades for kids like ours. What a blessing understanding can be.

My parents took the little boys a few weeks ago and there was a civil war reenactment over at the High School. My dad and husband brought them over and they LOVED it.

Finishing Touches

Years ago I taught myself to knit by watching videos on you tube. I had just started cloth diapering Sammy because he was allergic to the chemicals in every single disposable diaper on the market. We found he hated most traditional diaper covers because they made noise. My only option was to use wool covers. Great! one problem, they are crazy expensive. One cover can go for upwards of 30 or 40  dollars and that was a used soaker, not pants or shorts and not anything really cute. So out of pure necessity I learned to knit and made covers. I bought wool sweaters and made covers. I became addicted to making these fluffy little cover things for my babies. I have made a set for each baby since learning to knit. I just finished Squish's set so he/she can come whenever now.

Stepping Into The Sun

It's been crazy with all the snow here. Sam has had a hard time adjusting  to being home and the change of routine.

Today I stepped into the sun with my boy. He asked to cuddle. He wanted to snuggle and he was so sweet. Half an hour of time where the two of us just existed. It was worth every second.

My fluffy headed boy has such a soft marshmellowy side and it doesn't visit us often. I miss it when I don't see it for a while. I am so glad I could connect with him for even a little while

When life hands you a blizzard...

We are snow bound along with much of the state because of about 2 feet of snow. We are all a little stir crazy here. Sam spent a lot of the day running through snow drifts outside. Nate preferred being inside where it's warm.

We settled on a project and went for it. We made snow cream. Nate remembered the lesson from a year ago and begged me to make it again. We put clean tupperware buckets out to catch the snow. We put them high enough up that animals would get in them. Then we mixed in cocoa, sugar, and cream... the kids loved it!

Snowflakes

No two flakes are alike right? Just like our kids with autism, no two are the same. Each has their very own set of amazing abilities, frustrating behaviors, quirky personality traits, obsessions, mannerism and speech patterns. They are our little snowflakes.

Blizzard

We are currently smack dab in the middle of a major snow storm over here. It's coming down fast and we keep loosing power. I am more than stressed about what this means for the kids and us. I worry that we have enough food (though my mom brought us cocoa and sugar and popcorn so really what more do we need ) We have about 6 inches or so right now but it has really picked up in the last half hour. We don't usually loose power during these storms since we are in the Fairhaven bubble and behind the high school. I am not sure why it matters but it seems to.

It's hard to be positive about being snow bound with 5 children 38 weeks pregnant, but this is my new focus so I will find the silver lining.

My entire family is here. We are safe. We have food and each other and as long as we have power we have Netflix.

Light Therapy

My husband gave me an early Valentine's present. Most women get flowers, chocolate, or a fancy dinner.I didn't. For me, however, it's better than that. I got a light therapy box! Oh I so need this for sure. I started using it right away.
I hope it helps Sammy too. We are so much alike it's scary.

Wordless Wednesday.

Kids

I am so grateful my kids all get along so well. The older kids like each other (most of the time) Nate and Grace are best of friends. Sammy adores Grace and is looking forward to the new baby coming in just a few short weeks. (By the way if you tried to get to my guessing came from this post, you need to put "squishguessgame in the left hand side of the page where it asks if you have been invited to play. So far we only have 3 entries other than mine.)





today Grace walked over to Sam and wrapped her little arms around him and told him she loved him. He smiled and ruffled her hair. It was so sweet. So many families spend their time fighting, I am grateful mine do not. It isn't always roses. Nate figured out how to really annoy Sam and set him off. Sam goes after Nate sometimes too.  They are after all human children.

Just for The Fun

Sammy's backpack and lunch box both broke this week so tonight we went off to find another.He graduated this past year away from the fire engine red back pack that listed his allergies. I finally trust the school and the nurse to get it right. They are fantastic with it. So this is the first year he has had a "real" back pack and lunch box.

He of course picket a loud brightly colored backpack that makes me cringe but He was happy with it. It also has an insulated area so we didn't need to buy a separate lunch box for him to put his bento box in. So excited about that.

He did look at the lunch boxes and tried to convince us to buy a giant 3 person cooler for his lunch box. Ummm yeah ... no.

He and Dan tried on silly hats and listened to music and Sam got to ride on Daddy's shoulders.

It was a nice night out  for an hour.

So close

I am so glad I am almost done. A few more weeks at most and I will be holding squish in my arms. Almost there.
I did find this cool poll for people to guess when they think baby will be here. Take a shot. There may be prizes involved for the two that get the closest
Who will it be?
put in squishguessgame 

and take a stab at it 

it has come  to my attention my link was broken. lets try again  Its a link to a baby gender and size guessing game. let me know if it works.

Super Dan

So I know I say it a bunch but my husband is amazing. Today, my hips were hurting more than ever. He has been helping me get up and down all day while still helping with Grace. He got the boys to clean up the first floor and has been so wonderful to me today. I feel especially blessed today.

Last One

Tyler is a senior this year. I am still not entirely sure where all that time went.

Wasn't it just yesterday he was a wiggly 8lb new born in my arms? How can he be almost 18 years old already?

Wasn't he just that pudgy little baby that loved to snuggle and sing? I remember how just showing him a camera made him smile.  I remember how he would climb up on my lap and snuggle his face in my shoulder as though it was just the two of us.

Wasn't he just that precious toddler that got into everything and explored his world with sheer tenacity? I remeber asking him once to sing me a song because I didn't feel well. He asked me what I wanted him to sing about and I answered, a lion. The song that followed was exactly that... " bout a yiiion, a yiooon, booout a yiiiooonnn!"

Wasn't it just yesterday he cried on my  shoulder afraid the tooth fairy would try to take all of his teeth? Wasn't it just yesterday that he learned to ride a bike and made his first communion? How did the time go by so fast?

It seems like the last few years went by even faster. I swear he just started wrestling and won his first medal, but last night I watched his final home match.

He placed second at the Vocational State Tournament last weekend and Sectionals is only weeks away. His birthday is approaching with light speed and I am both excited and nervous about what that means for my boy. Last night they honored the parents of the seniors and I received the most beautiful flowers from Tyler.

And then... for the very last time I watched my boy ,who somehow looks more like a man then I ever realized,  walk onto the mat. His final home meet of his wrestling career. Tears sprung to my eyes and my throat felt tight. The season is closing quickly and my little boy has slipped away. I am honored to be the mother of such an outstanding young man. The speed that took us here makes my heart both ache and take flight.