So much has been going on in my house.
We are expecting another baby! I have had a tough time adjusting to this both physically and emotionally. It was unexpected and though not unwelcome, a little hard to digest at first.
But I remember being pregnant with Evangeline. I felt like my world was caving in around me. I was heart broken and miserable. I am sure some of the issue was hormones, but some was just me.
I was fighting against God's plan for me. I was fighting against what people thought about us. I was fighting against finances, and energy, and capability. I was fighting against myself.
At one point I considered adoption for Evangeline. I seriously debated the option of giving her away. No one seemed happy for us (except our church family) I was bombarded daily with people that made rude comments when they saw me out with the children. It weighed on me.
... and then I held her...
It was one of the hardest times for me in the last few years. I just couldn't see my way out of it.
So this time. I have some major perspective. I know that no matter how freaked out I am right now. I will never regret having this baby. Because, once I hold him / her in my arms it will all be fine. What people say won't matter. It will be my arms filled with a soft, warm, squishy, and perfect baby.
I am not 16 anymore. I am a married woman doing exactly what God and my Faith ask me to do. He has this under control. I am just along for the ride.