Sam- the transformation

Those of you that have followed us from the beginning know the struggles I have had with Sam and his behavior in the past. That was my biggest fear when we decided to pull him to home school him.
I saw us fighting to get anything done.

flying!

We have been at this since August with Samuel and he is doing great! In Fact, it's been amazing.

In August when we started Sam refused to read anything even close to grade level. He insisted he was a bad reader. He would cry at the mention of reading anything other than books the girls liked. I kept telling him how much the girls liked him reading and how great he was doing. He kept reading. Then I found him picking up other books. Now I find him reading books that surprise me.

after Quiddich 

He almost always gets his work done without and issue. Usually before noon, which is pretty awesome! He often says " I love being home schooled!"

He is struggling through some of his math though. He can't quite get the multiplication. He doesn't seem to know / understand the facts. So as soon as he doesn't get the answer right away he freaks out and cries. he is working on it slowly, but it is clearly difficult for him. I don't think it's because of the math itself but more because he is so afraid to make mistakes!

magic tree house book club

He has blossomed so far this year and I am amazed at how well he is doing.

Breath in

Sam had a tough early week this week. At one point he launched something large and heavy across the room. He had plans that night to meet up with his coach from last year. I wanted so badly to pull the pin and not let him go. I wanted to ground him for eternity. I wanted to cry and scream and yell and stamp my feet much like a child would do.
Breath In.

Breath Out.

 the thoughts running through my head were making the room spin.

"it's because you are a bad mother. You caused his autism and now look at this. If you don't get this under control now he will be a lost cause when he is older. It's all your fault."

That loop plays over and over in my head at least once a day. It's so painful because somewhere inside I am still not passed that second sentence. Getting there, just not yet.

Breath In

Breath Out.

Gentle-

It isn't the end of the world. No one got hurt.
Breath In

What is it that he NEEDS right now?

Gentle -

He must be really anxious.
Breath Out

THAT'S IT

he was anxious because he was going to see coach. I took a few more deep breaths and went upstairs. We talked about why he was so upset and what was wrong with his reaction. He hugged me(without prompting) and apologized.

He went down and  made  tried to make my coffee.

He went to visit with Coach and he had a great time.

Some days I just need to Breath in and remember

Gentle.