Little Hands and Gentle Hearts

Those little hands are Annabelle's. She is 3 now. I am not entirely sure where time went or how she is now a preschooler rather than a toddler. She is loving and strong and vibrant. Everything she is meant to be. She is amazing.

But those hands, those hands remind me of the gentleness I need to put forward. The soft that makes me the woman God created me to be. I focus on helping my children to be who they are called, but I often forget who I am called to be.

Life is hard. Very hard. So many moving parts that create an insurmountable wall of fear and sadness. I often want to quit. I want to give up on everything and just fade into the darkness in my mind.
but I don't

and I won't

Because those little hands need my guidance still.

Some days I can hardly breath. I just don't have the energy. But I keep going, because this is part of what I am. Who I am. 

I am trying to learn from it rather than be destroyed by it.

Often, I am bitter and angry. I want to be spiteful and vengeful. I am after all human. But instead I silence myself and quiet my heart.

I just pray that this cloud goes away.

Moving Away

For as long as I can remember in my adult life I have wanted to get out of Massachusetts. South Carolina, Georgia, and Virginia have called my name for decades and I just feel so at home when I get there.

A big part of the need to move is my inability to handle the winters here. The cold makes my body hurt and my fingers and toes burn from October to June. I am anxious about snow and watching my husband drive to work in 6+ inches of snow. It's pretty, on a Saturday, when we are all home with no where to go. Otherwise. No, Just No!

The kids may miss it though. they love making snowmen and sledding. But poor Nate always ends up with hurting fingers. Sam refuses to wear anything remotely warm on his feet or body. I have to hide his shorts because he would wear them in the snow. Grace is always naked, even when it's cold. I can't keep shoes on her! Then of course there is the coats and car seat issue. such stress! then winter hats at the kids school that could spread lice. Months of bitter cold with chapped lips... just ewwww

Daniel and I have been praying about what to do. I have some family here and it is hard leaving them. There are a few things that make me worried about leaving the one place I have always lived. I can feel God tying up the ends I need to feel peaceful about moving. I can almost see it happening, as though I am watching a chess game of my life. I have no idea what the end result will be but I am starting to get some real peace about moving.

 We are going to florida in June and we are hoping to get a jump on moving then.

Prayers and Positive thoughts welcome