Little Hands and Gentle Hearts

Those little hands are Annabelle's. She is 3 now. I am not entirely sure where time went or how she is now a preschooler rather than a toddler. She is loving and strong and vibrant. Everything she is meant to be. She is amazing.

But those hands, those hands remind me of the gentleness I need to put forward. The soft that makes me the woman God created me to be. I focus on helping my children to be who they are called, but I often forget who I am called to be.

Life is hard. Very hard. So many moving parts that create an insurmountable wall of fear and sadness. I often want to quit. I want to give up on everything and just fade into the darkness in my mind.
but I don't

and I won't

Because those little hands need my guidance still.

Some days I can hardly breath. I just don't have the energy. But I keep going, because this is part of what I am. Who I am. 

I am trying to learn from it rather than be destroyed by it.

Often, I am bitter and angry. I want to be spiteful and vengeful. I am after all human. But instead I silence myself and quiet my heart.

I just pray that this cloud goes away.

WIN!

Every year Sammy has a party and no one comes. Every year he doesn't get to invite friends because I drop the ball and forget to send out invites to people for him. This year it might be different. If no one comes it might make me sad though.  This year I remembered to send invites to ESY with him. YAY

I WIN

Being autistic isn't easy for Sam. there are so many people who just don't get it. People are ignorant and think that because they see it from the outside , they know better.  While there are so many people in the world like that I try to just ignore the stupidity. I smile and speak calmly and walk away. Because, those of us in the trenches know differently, don't we.

It's hard for Sammy to make friends but it seems we have hit the proverbial jackpot with this homeschool group we have joined. Two specific boys, both spectrum kids, and a mom who really gets it. What a blessing. Sam also made a friend at ESY this year.

It seems that this year he might truly have friends at his birthday party.

I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I hope they come.

HAPPY EASTER

HE IS RISEN

My Church

I was raised Catholic.

 There was a period of time where I chose to do things my way and leave the faith. It didn't work out so well to be honest.
I went back to church. I discovered my husband (who I had known forever) and he is the absolute love of my life. I started to learn more about my faith and started to understand so much more about what it meant to be Catholic. I met Michelle a few years later through AYSA and I liked her right away. She always seemed so calm , something I wasn't. She introduced me to the ladies and mom at SFX. I'll be honest some of them scared me at first. The Energy the ladies had was amazing. I later learned it was because the Spirit was in the room and really did move these ladies. The Entire parish loved us, accepted us and took us in. We moved over to SFX and we have been there happily ever since. I learned about adoration, Divine Mercy Sunday, Confession, Forgiveness, and real Faith.

Apparently I am still learning.

This time about Generosity, Love, and Service.

I am forced to rest right now. The people of our church all came together and set up child care for a week after Daniel used his PTO. Meals are being delivered every night for us. There are a bunch of other things that are being done to help. We have friends taking care of an issue with the house. Not to mention the love and care of all these people praying for us and checking in on us.

I really love my church family.