24 hours and counting

In 24 hours I will be in plane. I hate to fly. Just thought makes my heart beat extra fast and my mouth get dry. I am so afraid. Flying for me is like standing in front of a firing squad. It triggers my anxiety in ways I can't even place into words. But in 24 hours I will be on a plane.

You see my boy has been at BMT ( basic military training) for 7.5 weeks now. The young man I would sit with on the couch and talk to about his day, the boy I hugged every day, the boy who made me laugh and scream ( sometimes at the same time) is graduating from the air force training program.

The boy who took over 2 years to walk. MY LITTLE boy is now a man and a member of our armed services. He left me scared, and uncertain and I know I will see a confident man.

As scared as I am I will do anything for my children.
and now one of my children is doing anything for his country.

my heart broke the day he left. You see it had to. That was the only way that it could ever have grown enough to encompass all the emotions I have running around in there now.

I am so proud of him. I could just burst. He is part of the 1% of the population that chooses to support our country. I am proud of the man he is and how hard he has worked. He wanted this and he went for it.
I am fearful. I am so afraid I will be handed a flag sitting by a graveside. My heart fears this like no other fear I have ever felt. I know I have no control. I know that I cannot change God's Will. I KNOW THIS. But this fear is always in the back of my mind.
I am uncertain. I do not know what his future holds. Not that I ever really did mind you. He could be stationed anywhere in the world. I can't call his CO and complain they sent my boy too far away.

But this is what he wants.
In 48 hours he will be a real AIRMAN!
In 48 hours I will hug him.

How did my itty bitty baby get here so fast?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Sam's IEP meeting. The sitter is booked, the husband is off, and we are ready.

We don't have an adversarial relationship with our team here. In fact our team is beyond incredible. They have worked with Sam and our family to get the best results possible. Sam has flourished and blossomed at the neighborhood school.

They have put him into the right groups, they understand him, and they support and love him. I know not everyone can say that about their team, but I am blessed with the ability to say that about ours.

I am proud to be a member of our school family.

This one time ...at band camp...

How many people know where that line comes from?



I laughed every single time I hear it. You see I was a band geek. Like really, a total geek. I don't really think I had friends outside of chorus, drama, band and a few random ROTC friends. I was so OK with that because most of my friends were just like me. I was also however an over emotional mess in high school. I cried a lot , and often for no good reason that I could ever discern. I lacked social skills, humor, and the ability to not be a drain on most of my friends. Yes, I was that girl! I remember being at band camp all day long and often until dark. I remember writing each set down and tripping over myself as we blocked. Please tell me someone else remembers band camp as fondly as I do? While there were no (or not many) escapades like they mentioned in the movie, it was still a blast.

Thanks to our business group I have learned some awesome social skills such as listening  not always needing to  be right, and how to appear empathetic. empathy is still so hard for me.

AJ started band camp this week for FHS. He loves it. They sound pretty good too, much to my surprise! He plays the trumpet and he plays it well!

I have been watching him play, since its just across the street, and it's been really awesome. It's also bringing back all these awesome memories I have of my years in band. I hope he loves it as much sa I did. I am so proud to see him out there, working hard for something he loves.